And how do you know if you have one?
The worthiness wound shows up as chronic, pervasive self-doubt that occasionally slips into full-blown despair. It manifests in your internal experience as tight and heavy expectations, which are hard to please and guaranteed to rob you of joy. Life may feel like enough one moment but nowhere near it the next.
Therefore, the worthiness wound can lead to an agonising sense of unfulfillment. It’s hard to fill a wound we don’t know is there, so some symptoms of your worthiness wound might be:
- ★ A tendency to slip into grey cloud thinking and dark emotions
- ★ People pleasing, fawning behaviour, making excuses for others
- ★ Underpricing and a feeling of desperation in business
- ★ Masking with indulgent behaviours – overeating, overspending, appearance obsession
- ★ Playing it safe and not taking risks, including underachieving
- ★ Being triggered easily and often, obsessing and catastrophising
- ★ Hiding and staying guarded behind ambiguity or a certain identity
The worst thing is… the world will reflect back to you your worthiness wound. You will be overlooked for opportunities, forgotten in the marketplace and under-prioritised in personal relationships because the world always reflects back to us what we need to notice within. Until we notice the worthiness wound we have, red flags will pop up everywhere to tell us that we still have work to do.
We can only survive so long blaming external events until we start to see the link between them all. Our relationship with ourselves is the foundational relationship for everything else that happens in our life.
External success is great for masking the worthiness wound and that’s why we like it so much, however, it’s not a cure.
No amount of wins or amazing manifestations will seal the worthiness wound, even though they’re distracting for a while. Changing circumstances are temporary, whereas the wound is not; until it’s healed.
Tune in to your heart centre or wherever else the pain is coming from and set the intention of “I love myself. I love myself. I love myself.” Send those words energetically to the wound, over and over again.
I love myself. I love myself. I love myself.
It may release something – which might come out as a yawn or involuntary body movement of some kind. Keep doing this practice over and over and over again. Repeat it every day. Spend 3 minutes every morning tuning in to your worthiness wound and sending it the words “I love myself. I love myself. I love myself.” Seeing them soak into it, reducing it in size.
What you will feel is that you become more and more comfortable. Your vibration starts to lift. The wound starts to heal and close. You love yourself more. Your mood lifts higher. You can see all the reasons why you should love yourself.
You know that other people should love you. You will not allow yourself to be rejected. You know you can never be abandoned.
If you’re a coach or healer, or you know someone in your personal life who needs help with this, you might be wondering: how do you heal the worthiness wound in someone else?
We are the key to healing in our own lives. Even when working with a therapist, for example, it’s our permission for them to help us which starts the healing process. The healing wouldn’t begin with someone who wasn’t asking for – or open to receiving – the help.
This means that if someone isn’t looking for help to heal their worthiness wound, it probably won’t work. You cannot make someone heal and you cannot make someone change if they don’t want to. You cannot make them into who you want them to be.
However, assuming that someone has invited in your assistance with this, the most obvious thing is to be their cheerleader – but by far the most important thing is the way they speak to themselves. Implementing self love practices such as getting them to repeatedly write or say out loud “I love myself. I love myself. I love myself.” will start to make them see differently…
We listen to our own words more than anyone else’s. It’s our own words which have the most power over us.
Another powerful method is to live as an example. Don’t underrate this one! It can seem like it’s the easiest, but sometimes leaving someone alone is the hardest thing to do when you know they need help. This way is the least invasive and sometimes the most effective.
Come at it from the point of view of: “I hope how much I love myself inspires other people to love themselves more.”
Demonstrating the strength that self love can bring will prove to others what can happen when they heal the worthiness wound. If you haven’t guessed it already, self love is the antidote to the worthiness wound.
In a coaching scenario, creating a warm and safe environment for someone to express how they really feel is the perfect place to start. We often don’t even realise that we have a worthiness wound, so identifying the symptoms that I listed at the beginning and pointing out what they could be stemming from can be illuminating enough to activate a shift in consciousness. When we’re aware of something, we respond differently, so we can start to make changes.
Seeing all the ways that worthiness issues underline our experiences can create a link that releases resistance and allows answers to start flowing more clearly. Making connections between things means we have understanding, which in itself elevates our consciousness. Being blind to things keeps us exactly where we are.
No amount of kind words or focused attention will close someone else’s worthiness wound once and for all, so the best thing to do is to hold space; to be supportive and provide comfort, rather than trying to fight against that person’s current version of reality.
In our own lives, a lot of the fear we experience comes from the dread of how we’re going to berate ourselves if we get it wrong. Our body and mind are braced for us to be unkind, frustrated and putting ourselves down for so long afterwards. This means that having a worthiness wound feels like death by a thousand papercuts.
As with healing any belief (which then causes an emotional feeling such as unworthiness), it’s the dedicated pursuit of counteracting the current, comfortable habit of our brain which overrides its drive to keep doing things the same way.
If your worthiness wound isn’t working for you any longer, it’s time to let it go. It starts with you, and it starts with agreeing to love yourself.