mind body spirit

  • A Guide To Boundaries For Empaths & Sensitive People

    Boundaries are the invisible rules that we write to define how much of our energy other people have access to.

    You’ll already be familiar with what it feels like when someone oversteps your boundaries. Whether it’s a mother-in-law who turns up unannounced, a child who sleeps in your bed more than you’d like, or a friend who asks more of you than you get in return. If clear boundaries aren’t set in the early stages of a relationship, then responsibilities can get blurred until you realise that you’ve taken on more than your fair share.

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    Setting clear boundaries is incredibly important.

    Without them, what starts as generosity can build up as resentment until it reaches a critical mass, ie, the relationship ultimately ending. Blurry boundaries can erode your sense of identity until you start questioning who you really are and what you really stand for.

    Of course, most people aren’t overstepping your boundaries on purpose – they’re simply responding to your energetic vibration and the standards that you’ve set for yourself. Boundaries begin with you, and they’re not the other person’s responsibility if you haven’t set them in the first place.

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    • Not wanting to go and see someone because you know that you’ll feel drained afterwards
    • Feeling like you have no time for yourself because you’ve given all of your time away to others
    • Not looking after yourself (exercise, meditation, learning) because you’re working too much, cleaning too much, or spending all of your time caring for others before yourself
    • Feeling irritable or frustrated at others, because deep down you’re frustrated at yourself
    • Blowing “hot and cold” because you’re getting close to people but then pulling away from them once it gets to be too much

    If you feel that you’re a highly sensitive or empathic person (you acutely feel the emotions of others), then consciously noticing and healing your own boundaries is especially important for you. Our desire to heal and help can cost us our sanity and allow one person to monopolise our energetic resources, instead of distributing them for maximum positive impact in the world. By wanting to help others so badly – without strong boundaries – you can end up hurting yourself.

    Here’s how you can start building strong boundaries…

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    As always, your intuition is your best friend and most reliable guide through this lifetime. If your gut is telling you that a relationship isn’t even-stevens, then it’s probably right. It’s a lot easier to establish boundaries at the outset than it is to try and claw them back later down the line. If you feel like someone new may be opportunistic, then make sure you set clear ground rules from the very beginning.

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    Doing what other people tell you can just feel like being helpful at first, but it can also be a sign of people-pleasing if you make a habit of it. This is a big risk factor with particularly extroverted or dominant personalities in your life. Pleasing someone who cannot be pleased is not a reflection of you, but of them. Sometimes, no matter what you do for someone you’ll never gain their approval, despite meeting all of their demands. It’s not your job to always do what someone asks.

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    History repeats itself, so if the vibe of a relationship feels familiar, then the dynamic will probably replicate what you’ve had before. We also inherit behaviour from the patterns we see around us, so if your mother/father were highly sensitive or chronic people-pleasers then you may have watched their boundaries being crossed all the time as a child. Maybe you even crossed them yourself once or twice! By stepping back and reassessing what you do and don’t want from a relationship, you can steer clear of toxic and draining relationships in the future.

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    Are you finding yourself without time to do the things that you want to do? If so, this can be a sign of boundary thieves operating in your life. Write down a retrospective timetable of your day for a week and total up where you’ve been spending most of your hours. For most people, the biggest proportion will go to work, but even then it may eat up more hours than you’d like. Hopefully, you’ll also be able to identify time saps in your life that you weren’t aware of, such as spending time organising plans for others or waiting for a friend who is always late to meet you.

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    If money seems to slip through your fingers, then it can be due to poor personal money boundaries and/or poor boundaries with other people. If you always find yourself footing the bill for someone, or you’re in a friendship/relationship with someone who never pays you back, then they’re overstepping your boundaries. If you lend someone money, then you should expect it to be returned to you as soon as they’re able. If you are paying for someone more than you’d like, then remove yourself from all future scenarios where you might end up giving them money.

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    If you are struggling to spot your boundary violations but sense that you have some, then asking a trusted friend or family member who knows and respects you can provide some clarity. Other people can see the things that we don’t want to see, so asking for someone else’s honest opinion of where you’re wasting your time/energy/money can confirm what you already suspect to be true. They may have been waiting for you to ask all along! As a bonus, they may also give you tailored advice about how to repair your boundaries in this situation.

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    Empaths can be drawn to damaged people like a moth to a flame. The problem is that this instinct to heal may not only be damaging to you in the long run, but it also may not be as healing for them as you’d hope. If there’s someone in your life with serious issues who could be a potential threat to your boundaries while you care for them, try and find the professional resources that they need instead. Finding the right mental health services, support group or medical professional will prove far more effective both for them and for you.

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    Those two letters are so very freeing. If you find yourself saying yes when inside you’re screaming no, then that’s a definite boundary violation. Saying no feels strange in the beginning and can be tough for others to handle – especially if you’ve been a yes person for a long time. But the power of NO is palpable, and when you read about super successful entrepreneurs, you’ll find that it’s often their favourite word for protecting their valuable time. Whether you’re an entrepreneur or not, your time is just as valuable. So, if you find yourself wanting to say no, then be honest with yourself and the other person by just saying no.

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    As with everything in life, balance is the secret to a sound mind and satisfying relationships. So, with all of this said, it’s important to avoid jumping to the other extreme of setting boundaries that are too rigid and fear-based. If you’re terrified to allow anyone “in” because you’ve been burned in the past then you’ll deprive yourself of emotional connection entirely. Setting healthy boundaries in the ways listed above will prevent you from bringing resentment and tall emotional walls into future relationships.

    The most important boundaries of all are the ones that you set for yourself. Whatever behaviour you permit for yourself and the rules that you live by will signal to others what you’ll accept from them too. You can’t help others until you help yourself first, so the ultimate act of self-love is setting a high standard for what you will accept in your life.

    Your boundaries are not made to be broken.

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  • How To Make A Killer Vision Board

    To consciously manifest means to consciously decide what you want to create.

    This is why having a vision board around you all the time is SO important to: A) keep what you’re working towards at the top of your mind, and B) help you send a clear energetic message to the Universe of what you want to have in your life.

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    Creating a vision board should feel like a fun process where you can really step into the mood of dreaming up a magical new life for yourself. Therefore, I encourage you to give yourself a whole morning/afternoon and set up a creative workspace with candles, your favourite tunes, and anything else that will make you feel good! By being in this positive zone while setting the intentions for what you will create, you’re already starting the initiation process for your new manifestations.

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    No one says that you need to have a boring white vision board like everyone else, so I recommend buying an A2 piece of card in your favourite colour. Last year, my vision board was pink (my favourite colour) but this year I just went for orange because it was what felt good at the time. As always, just go with whatever feels good for you.

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    I always find that my creative juices flow best when I write by hand, so I encourage you to brainstorm a list of the things that you’d like to have. Think about your timeframe too – is this vision board for the next year, 5 years, or a mix of both?

    It can also be productive to group your desires into segments. For example, I made a section for where I want to live, what I want to own, and what I want to achieve in my career. If you want to manifest more money into your life, then I recommend writing out a cheque for the exact amount you want and adding it to your board. You can print one here 💵 or from the bottom of this page.

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    Now it’s time to move over to your computer and start searching the web for photos of everything that you’ve brainstormed. Save the photos which resonate best with you into a single word document. Resize the images until they look like a rough fit for your page, and then squeeze them on as few pages as possible.

    A fun thing to do at this point is to print off a few pictures of yourself too. Then, you can add your face right into the scenarios that you’d like to feature in one day! By seeing yourself as already being there on a regular basis, your brain will become more and more comfortable with the idea, and it won’t feel so distant from your tangible reality. By repeatedly envisioning yourself in situations that may seem worlds away now, you’re starting to create your new normal.

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    Send your word document to the printer and cut out all of the images that you’ve collected. Place them onto your A2 piece of coloured card (no sticking yet) and see how they all fit together. Are there some which should be bigger, or smaller? Most likely there will be, so go back to the drawing board (aka computer) and resize them as needed.

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    Yes, this is a repeat of the last step. After your 2nd/3rd/4th print, do the pictures look the right size? And does your face fit properly into the scenes? Do they all fit onto the A2 page, and does it feel like it’s starting to come together? When the answer is YES, then move on to Step 7.

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    When your positioning feels good – grouped or ungrouped – it’s time to secure your dreams with Pritt-stick. No pressure though, because you can easily peel them off and move them around if you change your mind.

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    When I’m in a stationary store, I also like to buy letter stickers so that I can add some inspirational words between my images – such as the name of the place I’d like to live, or the personal qualities that I’ll embody.

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    You should be just about there with your vision board! How does it feel? Hopefully, it paints an accurate picture of what you would like your future to look like.

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    Now, you just need to decide where your vision board will fit into your life. Mine lives on the wall next to my bed so that I can see my dreams before I go to sleep and as soon as I wake up. This is also next to my meditation corner, so I can focus on all of the images and be grateful for them in advance during meditation.

    I hope your new vision board delivers everything that you ask for, and most importantly, makes you feel more inspired than ever to go out and chase your dreams. When the images on your board are in your life as tangible objects or situations, then don’t forget to tell me about it – I’d love to know and celebrate with you! 🏆

    + Don’t forget to print off your cheque from the Universe for your money vision ↠ download & print yours here

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  • Thank You For The Struggle

    The best of us comes out in the worst of times.

    When times are hard, they force us to work harder, think smarter and find new levels of resilience. When times are tough, we have the chance to get even tougher.

    Very often it’s easy to look back on something that felt “bad” and later appreciate that it was in our highest interest for leading us onto x, y and z. But before the gift of hindsight, we can feel crushed, lost and bewildered when a crisis strikes (imagine The Tower tarot card!) Even if it’s not a sudden crisis – testing relationships or jobs can drag out a struggle period and make it feel more and more intense over time.

    To solve this, I’m trying to maximise the utility of what I call the best outcome time lag. It means searching for the positives when only the negatives are obvious and trusting with complete faith that everything will always work out in our highest good. As I’ve said before – without faith, we don’t move mountains and it is always too easy to give up. (read Keep The Faith here)

    But Liz, this struggle doesn’t feel so good…

    Struggles can be beautiful if we let them because there are lessons interwoven between the fabric of our existence. When they are pulled apart and stretched – the lessons can finally be released and rise to the surface. This is why all trials and tribulations are really a wonderful thing. We move forward, we grow and we learn. If we can be thankful for the outcomes in the midst of the struggle period, then we are truly living in a state of gratitude and honouring our full vibrational frequency. If we can live from a high vibrational frequency as much as possible, then we are easing into beautiful new realities all the time and attracting more of the goodness that we find easier to love.

    One of the best concepts that I’ve learnt this year is Caroline Dweck’s distinction between a “growth” or a “fixed” mindset. Superachievers like Arnold Schwartzenegger and Mohammed Ali have a growth mindset because they’re always looking for the next struggle in order to grow and elevate to their next level. People with a fixed mindset will never reach the same heights of greatness because they may be doing well, but they find too much comfort in the tried and tested route that they already know. In other words, they are trying to sidestep the struggle.

    In order to truly grow, we have to flow with the struggle. Embrace it and sometimes even look for it when the next level is calling us. Breaking boundaries is not comfortable, and clearing out relationships and clutter to make way for a life upgrade is definitely not comfortable either. But what is on the other side of the struggle is great, and so we should be grateful for the struggle as the vessel which takes us there.

    Whether we like it or not, the struggle is our shuttle bus between realities and our teacher of wisdom. When we thank the teacher, we respect the lessons and acknowledge their value to us.

    Saying thank you for the struggle may not always be easy, but it will always be worth it once we receive its parting gifts on the other side.

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  • Are there Angels on Earth?

    Every morning when I am grateful, I give thanks for my angels on Earth.

    You know the ones… they are your closest companions who you have a deep soul bond with, and you feel like you have already danced your way through many lifetimes together.

    I have been trying to strengthen my bond with the angels by reading about them in books and using a pack of Doreen Virtue’s Angel Cards lent to me by a new dear friend from a Hay House event. For a while now, I have been talking to the angels in my meditation and following the signs & symbols they lay down as guidance; more recently, I have also been feeling tingles run through my body whenever I think of them.

    To be specific, these are the Archangels that I am talking about – Gabriel, Muriel, Raphael, Jophiel etc – and even writing Raphael just then a flood of tingles filled my body! They are always guiding us and working for our highest good. But there are angels manifesting on this plane too.

    I’ve always felt that my best friend / Maid of Honour-to-be / worldwide travelling companion has also been my fellow lifetime-traveller. As I appreciate her unwavering support in this life since I was 6 years old, I have started to feel that she really is an angel here on Earth. Only the other day did it occur to me that I could be right – her middle name is Gabriel!

    Our angels support us, cherish us, teach us, and show us the love of the Divine through the love in their eyes. They bring heaven down to Earth by showing us what’s possible in our own life and demonstrating the qualities that we want to embrace.  They give us guidance through their advice and can embody the lessons that we need to learn.

    The angels can manifest themselves in all forms so sometimes we will see them appear in those closest to us. When we need them, they are there. When we call them, they will answer. When we thank them, they give us blessings.

    If there is something that you need help with, then try asking those that you feel closest to because sometimes an angel will answer through their soul. The message that you need will always find a way to reach you regardless of the form.

    Just ask, and it will be given.

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