♞ Mindset ♞

  • How To Know If You Have Actually Changed

    It was a big day for me.

    I was driving 3 hours to hand over keys for the house we had just sold, in the week before we flew out to Italy for our wedding. I could taste the energy release on the tip of my tongue as this phase of our life ended and a new page was about to turn into the next chapter, but it all stopped when I reached my car door.

    I thought it was strange to be surrounded by grey concrete as far as the eye could see, except for a round black stain underneath my car. I climbed inside and turned on the engine.

    My newly filled tank of petrol had somehow leaked entirely out onto the floor, taking my day trip and week full of pre-wedding travel plans with it. After a mechanic came by shortly after, he said that someone had drilled into the tank to steal my petrol; the £1200 that I was quoted for garage repairs was worth far more than just the £40 of fuel they had taken. To start such a crucial week by losing my wheels when there was a house handover, dress shop trips, bridal beauty appointments and airport pick-ups to be done would have plunged me into a pit of despair 4 years ago…

    But not now.

    Now was different.

    Now I knew what it meant, and I knew that the only thing which could actually harm me was my own reaction to it.

    When disaster strikes, we are being called to see our situation in a new way and appreciate everything that we used to have, have and will have. The only thing which causes us such immense stress is our attachment to how we think things should be. If we can be loose with our beliefs and change them at any moment to serve rather than stress us, then we can finally enjoy full autonomy over our experience on Earth.

    If we let things get the better of us, then they will. If we can turn any negative into a positive, then nothing will ever get the better of us again.

    Our “best outcome time lag” will get shorter and shorter the more that we practice this type of mind control. This is what I call it when we look back to see how everything fitted together so perfectly because that painful, confusing event actually was in our best interest after all…

    The sooner that we can switch into this thinking and look through the lens of absolute faith instead of fear, the quicker we can free ourselves from self-induced anxiety and thoughts of impending doom.

    This is not to say that it won’t be hard. Of course it will – like all great things that are really worth having. To have something which has not been earned is to never enjoy and appreciate it fully. My grandfather taught me that, and at the time I thought he was wrong – of course I’d like to just win a million pounds on the lottery and have it all now! But there is a satisfaction to something being earned that does not come when it is taken from the hand of another.

    If we’re brave enough to control our thoughts and find the best in things, we’ll be able to savour the intricate beauty that’s filling in the gaps of our whole existence. The perfection from which all circumstances and situations come is always there, we simply need to be able to see it for ourselves. As the single subjective viewer of our situation, we’re the only ones with the power to correct our viewpoint at any moment.

    If we’re brave to see our situation in a new way and brave to let the old way go, then we’re closer to revealing the truth of how everything is secretly working for us. If we’re brave enough to untie our idea of how we think things should be, then we’re finally free to enjoy how they really are. Everything is always perfect and working in our favour, somehow, but sometimes as humans, we’re so resistant to our own good fortune that we close our eyes to the unspoilt beauty that surrounds us. All events are with a Divine purpose, and our greatest purpose comes from our greatest pain. What is taken away from us is the gift that we will one day soon give back to the world.

    When things don’t turn out as planned it’s a wonderful opportunity to compare how you react now with how you used to react. Your comparable pain (resulting from your thinking) is the barometer by which you can know and celebrate how far you’ve come. If we can continue to use our thoughts as an asset, we’ll find the seeds of positivity hiding under each circumstance faster and faster with practice.

    You will know how much you’ve changed by how much hope you have for tomorrow in whatever form it may arrive, instead of continuing to be disappointed by what it turns out not to be.

    Let it be, and you will see, how the world, is meant to be.



  • Get A Tortoise Mindset: Why The Overnight Success Story Is A Terrible Lie

    “There once was a speedy hare who bragged about how fast he could run. Tired of hearing him boast, Slow and Steady, the tortoise, challenged him to a race. All the animals in the forest gathered to watch.

    Hare ran down the road for a while and then paused to rest. He looked back at Slow and Steady and cried out, “How do you expect to win this race when you are walking along at your slow, slow pace?”


    A day can pass by in a whirlwind. As we battle our to-do lists and rush from here to there, we rarely get a chance to stop for breath – let alone to look back and appreciate how far we’ve come.

    But it’s these small actions that we take each day which prime us for our own success. In our society, it might be easier to think that races are won overnight by buying a lottery ticket, getting a million new followers, or waking up to see that your gravy train has finally come in with everything that you wanted in tow…

    We think this is what we want – but could we really cope if everything came along all at once? As humans, we need time to adapt, adjust and accept change. If we’re catapulted into a new world without warning then our grip on reality slips. On top of this, due to the Yin and Yang of life, if a deep low were to follow a dizzying high then we’d be exposed to extremes of living greater than we’d ever known before. Having a Tortoise approach protects us against this.

    If you’ve ever listened to how super successful people talk about their journey – or read their autobiographies – then you start to see that there’s a common theme of taking actions continuously and diligently in order to eventually get what they wanted.

    In a televised interview where Bill Gates and Warren Buffet sat on a sofa together, they were both asked what the single most important ingredient for success was. They said in unison: “focus”. Similarly, in an interview with Mark Zuckerberg, he told the interviewer that it took him 10 years to become an “overnight success”. In the Netflix series Defiant Ones, Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails said that he had to enjoy each tiny win along the way until they all added up to the success that we see today.

    At no point did any of these people promise immediate gratification or a shortcut to the riches and fame that they now have.

    Selling ourselves the idea of overnight success is also selling ourselves a Terrible Lie, as Nine Inch Nails might say. We can’t expect to wake up with abs after doing one workout the day before, and the same is true for most of the goals that we have for ourselves. Consistent effort and intentional focus will take you to where you want to go when the time is right.

    I feel like I talk about the importance of timing a lot, but when it comes to achieving amazing things – timing really is everything. A rush can’t produce the best results, nor can it offer the solid foundation that a sustainable future relies upon.

    Even though the Hare is full of confidence and appears to make strides over the Tortoise at the beginning, his hubris quickly becomes his downfall. Meanwhile, the Tortoise consistently takes considered action and ends up with the ultimate prize. There’s a big price to pay for playing the short game and expecting victories to be easily won overnight.

    Be the Tortoise, and know that what you want is possible if you’re unwilling to give up and unrelenting in your effort.

    Be the Tortoise, and enjoy looking back at your many different successes each morning – instead of hoping that one day there’ll be one big success to outdo them all.

    Be the Tortoise, and prepare to win the race like the rest of the greats…



  • 10 Easy Ways To Improve Your Motivation

    We all know the feeling when you’re stuck in a slump and your mojo is nowhere to be found, but the good news is that research shows you can influence your own motivation.

    I’ve gathered 10 ways to help you tap into your greatness by boosting your drive. You always have the greatness in you, sometimes it just needs activating!

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    This is a proven method for staying on track with exercise goals in particular, as you’re no longer tackling them on your own. Even when you’re struggling to find your own motivation, you have someone else there to hold you accountable for your own inaction.

    During the toughest of times, it also means that you have someone on your side to cheer you on, offer words of advice, and help pick you back up after a defeat.

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    Desmond Tutu said “there is only one way to eat an elephant: one bite at a time”. This is so intuitive, but the mentality often alludes us when we’re faced with a huge task that seems overwhelming. Anything can be accomplished, though, when we break it down and take on one bite-sized chunk at a time…

    When embarking on something major, even getting started can feel challenging due to an immobilising fear of the task’s magnitude. Divide it up into baby steps that are manageable and know that no one expects you to achieve everything in one go, so don’t expect it of yourself.

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    Goal setting is key for motivation. When we have vague goals, we don’t get much traction because without a clear vision of where to go – it’s hard to commit. 

    Psychotherapist Denise Fournier (Ph.D) says that “setting goals is important for creating a meaningful, satisfying, successful life”. To tap into our limitless potential as human beings, we have to know exactly what it is that we want to accomplish.

    Defined goals provide the foundation for great achievements, and motivational speaker Zig Ziglar reminds us that “a goal properly set is halfway reached”.

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    Getting pleasure out of an activity, like a workout, increases our motivation. If the task is something that we don’t want to do, behavioural research shows that even financial incentives aren’t enough to keep us on track.

    Self-Determination Theory (SDT) says that goals are either intrinsically or extrinsically controlled. When you reach your intrinsic goals, you enjoy the activity in itself, so you aren’t even aware of how much time has passed. Extrinsically controlled goals, on the other hand, exist when your focus isn’t on the actual activity – but how it can help you to reach a desired outcome.

    In life, there will be times for both types of goals, but you’ll feel far more motivated when the activity itself brings you pleasure instead of just the final outcome which can feel a million miles away. Psychologists Edwin Locke and Gary Latham claim that well-chosen goals are part of the “high-performance cycle” because the right goals generate excitement and a sense of self-efficacy. In other words, we’re more likely to feel motivated if we think: “I AM capable of reaching these goals”.

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    Motivating yourself to get started on a task can be hard. Yet most people will already be living according to a schedule of some sort, whether it’s a work calendar or personal diary, so if you add in allotted time for your goal then you’ll feel more compelled to stick to it, like the rest of your obligations. 

    When we know that we’ll only have to do the task for 1 hour instead of giving ourselves a whole ‘day’ then it’s much easier to use time to its maximum potential. Otherwise, we can easily find other ways to fill time if we give ourselves more than we need (cat videos anyone?) If you schedule time for your goal between other activities, it also gives you the time pressure of needing to complete it before your next meeting.

    Take note of Parkinson’s Law here – the time that you assign to a task is the time that you’ll take to complete it.

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    This goes nicely with breaking the activity into bite-sized chunks. It’s easier to stay motivated for an hour instead of ‘an afternoon’ and you’ll be even more motivated when there’s a reward for completing one of your scheduled time-slots. These treats can be anything from a tea/coffee, toilet break or 2 minutes of social media! Whatever keeps you motivated and isn’t unhealthy in excess.

    Think of it this way, the more chunks that you divide your task into = more treats!

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    Visual aids such as a mood board or imagery around your home provide inspiration and make your vision something that you can see with your own eyes. They give you something tangible to work towards, which in turn works wonders for keeping motivation high.

    You can read full instructions for how to create a powerful mood board here 🎨 

    Getting crystal clear on your end result and being reminded of it daily will raise your motivation to whole new levels!

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    A change of scene refreshes our energy. Even for the most motivated individual, doing the same task for long periods of time can get very monotonous.

    Make sure that you aren’t chained to the desk or treadmill for 3 hours at a time, as this will ultimately have an adverse effect on your motivation when you start to associate the task with struggle and boredom. Mix it up and move into a new space if you need to, and ensure that you’re keeping your brain engaged with regular breaks.

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    Nothing is more inspirational than reading stories of those who have walked the path of success before you, especially when they came from humble beginnings or an old life that’s similar to yours now. Think about who you can research and emulate in order to prove that your goal is achievable and worth pursuing.

    If they can do it, so can you! 

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    Goals turn dissatisfaction with our situation into an intention to improve it. You should always be proud of yourself for making a decision to change your life for the better! If motivation is running low, try to remember the reasons why you started on this path in the first place…

    What benefits were you hoping to achieve? I bet if you really think about it – then you’ve come quite some way from when you first had the idea?

    Give yourself credit where credit is due, and never be too hard on yourself.

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    Motivation is not in constant supply.

    But, while motivation comes and goes – if you can stick to your timetable and attack those bite-sized chunks – you can steadily move towards your goals without relying on the appearance of a single emotion.



  • What if you need LESS Clutter and MORE Clarity?

    Get A free meditation

    When you’re struggling to get clarity because of something you’re holding on to, letting go can be easier said than done. In this free guided meditation, you will cut your cords to release the past and move forward. 


    We all want a suitable space to grow and flourish in.

    Without room to expand, we will most likely stay within the confines of the current world that we see around us. Space is the gap where growth can happen!

    And when we have space to think, we have room to step forward into the greatest version of ourselves.

    Clutter-ification and clarification are antithetical and can’t coexist within our reality. This is especially true for those of us who are sensitive to our surroundings.

    If you are someone who is easily influenced by how other people are feeling or the general “vibe” of what’s happening around you, then it’s more important for you than anyone to create a living space that makes you feel inspired and free.

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    We can spend a long time being oblivious to how our surroundings are affecting us – toxic relationships, over-reliant friends and family, and a schedule that leaves us little time for thought and relaxation.

    But when we open our eyes to what we have around us, then we start to see what we don’t actually need.

    Your clarity of thought is so important for the gifts that you have to give to the world, and you need to see clearly how to implement them for maximum impact. If you’re surrounded by stuff, then it can be hard to see past it towards the best path for your future.

    If you want freedom of thought, you will need to allow yourself some freedom from the taskmaster that is your own clutter. If you have read about Feng Shui, Marie Kondo or minimalist living in general – you will already know the benefits that these lifestyle changes can bring you.

    If you want more freedom and less time spent tidying, clearing and cleaning, then having a smaller inventory gives you a chance to invest your time in things that you actually enjoy.

    Set yourself free from clutter and enjoy the clarity of thought which follows.

    It is sure to be a long process, but there’s so much satisfaction to be gained once you realise you don’t need the things which are holding you back.